Magnify Your Positive Voices, Minimize the Negative

A few nights ago, I literally had a dream about my negative voice – actually, it was more like a nightmare.  A strange man walked up to me and said, “Who do you think you are?  Who are YOU to think that you can be a writer, a published author?  You have a degree in music performance.  You’re a violinist, not a writer!  You are wasting your life by pursuing writing and not music.”

I was held spell-bound by what this man was saying.  I soaked in every word as if he was reading me the Gospel.  Maybe he was right.  I did feel inadequate sometimes.  And it is true: I’m a trained classical violinist.  I didn’t go to school to become an author.  Think of those tens of hundreds of dollars that will be sucked down the drain, worthless, because I pursue something I love yet didn’t get an expensive degree in.

Suddenly, my iPhone rang, which I was holding in my hand.  I looked at the screen and saw it was The Warrior calling.  I looked up at the man and back at the phone screen.  I was so awfully absorbed with this negative, forceful voice that I almost did not take The Warrior’s call.  I stood in the balance between positivity and negativity.  But then I made my choice and said to the man, “I HAVE to take this.  I don’t know when I’ll hear from him next,” which was probably inspired by the fact that The Warrior is deploying soon.  I took his call, walked away from the negativity, and after that I don’t remember what happened.  But there is great symbolism in him interrupting the negative voice in my dream.

The Warrior has been the BIGGEST positive voice in my life in regards to my writing – and it’s not a false aww-you’re-the-best-baby-slobbering-love-affair adoration.  He believes in what I do, he encourages me in what I do, and he has confidence that I will be very successful with my writing career.  He has said (genuinely) on multiple occasions, “One day you will write a New York Times bestseller.”  (Although I tease him and say, “The only reason you want me to be a NY Times bestselling author is so that YOU can claim some of the fame, being married to me.”  Ha!)

Sometimes I do have self-doubt. Sometimes I think that I don’t have any credibility, or that no one will be interested in my work.  When I get down to it, I would write even if no one read my words; I write because I LOVE it and feel a need to do it.  But it’s hard to not sometimes feel the pressure of being successful at my dream.

I thank God for The Warrior.  He keeps me grounded.  He reminds me of what is important in life.  He reminds me of my self-worth.  And he gives me that extra push I need to ignore the negative voices and listen to the positive ones.

~Malori~

When The Warrior showed up at my house as a surprise last year – this is a screen shot taken from the video my mom took! What a fun, memorable moment. :)

Military Mondays: Fond Memories, Exciting Future

This year will be one filled with a lot of “lasts.”  The last time to celebrate Independence Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas with my maiden name.  The last year to teach my students.  The last time to go on a summer road trip with my family.  The last chances to do fun things around the Dallas area and to see my sister to perform violin in recitals.  Today, as I sat outside with her, my mom, and my grandma eating snow cones, she said, “It sounds like you’re dying!”

I had to laugh because it did sound like that.  And in a way, I will be dying – to my current way of life when I become an Army wife….and I am so excited!

That doesn’t mean I won’t miss things.  I will always keep fond memories of my time in Texas and with my family very close.  But it is almost time to close this chapter of my life and move on to the next one, and honestly, I have been longing (yes, DYING) to turn the page.  I have to give The Warrior major props, because he has been SO much more patient than me.  He has been able to see the big picture, which is why we have waited “so long” to get married.  But it has been the best route and I know our future is that much brighter because of his insistence of being deliberate and detail-oriented.

Today, I thought it would be fun to outline 10 things I will miss, and at the same time, 10 things I am REALLY looking forward to:

THINGS I WILL MISS:

1) My family – parents, brothers, sister, and relatives in the north Texas area

2) The greatest state in the union, TEXAS!  And my hometown, pretty much the best city in Texas. :)

3) Seeing longhorn cattle as I drive along the road

4) Celebrating every holiday and birthday with said family and relatives

5) My co-workers and friends

6) Tex-Mex food

7) Being a delegate to the district and state GOP conventions

8) Texas/southern culture

9) Getting under my sister’s skin by acting annoying

10) Nice amenities in the area: my church, gym, upscale grocery stores, etc.

 

THINGS I AM SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED ABOUT:

1) Being The Warrior’s wife!!! :)

2) Moving all over the country and hopefully the world

3) Getting more plugged in to the military life

4) Paying off my debt and living a debt-free life with The Warrior

5) Not being 3 hours away from The Warrior

6) Having little warriors – I mean, kids ;)

7) Cooking for and creating a home(s) with The Warrior – basically, being the HH6 (Household 6)

8) Making awesome Army wife friends

9) Escaping the awful Texas heat

10) Serving my country as a military wife :)

I love seeing that huge grin of his…can’t wait to marry this awesome guy :)

The things I’m looking forward to definitely outshine anything sad that I might experience.  Feelings of sentimentality are normal and okay, but it is important to not let them be overpowering.  There will be challenges in the Army life, but I can’t wait to face life head-on with The Warrior!  We have a wonderful future ahead of us.  :)

~Malori~

Happy Armed Forces Day 2013!

May is full of patriotism!  It’s Military Appreciation Month, and celebrates Military Spouse Appreciation Day, Memorial Day, and Armed Forces Day – which is today!  It was created on August 31, 1949 by Defense Secretary Louis Johnson to replace the separate Army, Navy, and Air Force Days.  (The Marines still officially celebrate Marine Corp Day.)  For more on the history, visit http://www.defense.gov/afd/history.aspx.

Yesterday, I was blessed to spend time with a small group of ladies who all “get it.”  I recently found a Meetup.com group in the DFW area for military wives, fiancees, and girlfriends, and last night they held a casual get-together.  I decided to go, so I brought a bottle of white wine and an appetizer to share, and gathered with the other ladies at the group coordinator’s home.  It was SUCH a wonderful, refreshing time!  We ended up hanging out for 5 hours just talking, laughing, and enjoying the food and drinks.

Almost all the Armed Forces branches were represented: we had a Navy Reservist wife, an Air Force wife, an Army medically-retired wife, an Army girlfriend, and me, an Army fiancee.  Even our ethnicities were diverse: German, Spanish, and Asian were included in the mix.  But the bond that I felt with each one was incredible, even though I had just met them.  Our ties to the military drew us together and created a special sisterhood.

We talked about a large variety of things, from our men’s deployments, our experiences with deployment, marriage issues, the great things about being a military wife, and other things non-military related.  But one of the best moments of the evening was when the Navy Reservist wife was explaining something about her husband’s Afghanistan deployment, and I had a lightbulb moment and exclaimed, “Wait, really??  I’m so glad I’m not the only one who experienced that!”  Of course I’ve read about other wives’ experiences online, but this was where it all clicked.  There were MANY other instances where one of us would be explaining something, and we’d all nod and say, “I know exactly what you mean” or “I’ve felt that exact thing, too” or “My husband acts the exact same way.”  There is such comfort and encouragement in those moments; you feel that you are not alone, even though you’ve always known it intellectually.

These ladies just “get it.”  I could tell they all love their guys very deeply, but at the same time, have a confident independence about themselves.  It is ironic that the military calls wives “dependents,” when they are really not dependent at all!  As much as we love our soldiers, we live with the knowledge and confidence that if, God forbid anything would happen to them and they would never come home, we would make it okay.  We would be able to pick up our emotional pieces and have a good life, which is exactly what they would want us to do.  At the same time, living with this knowledge makes us that much more thankful and appreciative of the precious time we have with them, and we love them with a fierceness that others might never experience.

We know what it is like to be proud of our Armed Forces, and today we salute each one of them.

~Malori~

(Almost) Wordless Wednesdays: Mother’s Day Recap

Me just acting silly and happy :)

My sister Abby and I (above), and then myself with our mom

All the Texas girl cousins with our Grammie

Military Mondays: 60 Minutes Highlights TBI

Rollover accidents and IED explosions with these types of vehicles are two causes of TBI’s in Afghanistan.

Last Sunday (May 5), 60 Minutes did a segment focused on Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).  Since May is Military Appreciation Month AND Mental Health Month, I thought it would be fitting to feature a May post related to these two things.  The Army’s theme for Mental Health Month is “Breaking the Silence.”  Brain injuries are the signature wound of the Afghanistan and Iraq wars, yet most people are not aware of the magnitude of these problems because they are invisible wounds.  June is National PTSD Awareness Month, so I will focus on that in a few weeks.  In March, I wrote a post summarizing TBI, but I wanted to delve a little deeper with this subject.

Below is the link to the 60 Minutes clip from CBS, and I encourage everyone to please watch this. It was quite eye-opening for me:

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50146231n

Here are some highlights from the video:

• The Pentagon didn’t recognize TBI as a major problem almost until the end of the Iraq war.
• Many soldiers who suffer with TBI are instead diagnosed with PTSD, and then great frustration ensues when no improvement is made from counseling. However, PTSD and TBI often are co-morbid, and since many of the symptoms overlap it can be difficult to distinguish which condition is causing which symptoms.
• A mild concussion (mTBI) can still cause serious injuries.  So in other words, a concussion can have lasting effects, especially when one is piled on top of another one.
• Traditional brain scans of someone with a concussion can look the same as someone with a severe TBI in a coma.  (See video for example.)
• 36% of disabling injuries are from TBI and PTSD, while amputations account for 10%.
• Arnold Fisher is a hero for our troops!  Check out the National Intrepid Center for Excellence website below.  They are also on Facebook.
• The advanced brain scanning technology at NICoE shows SO much more than traditional scans.  40-50% of soldiers who come to NICoE for treatment and can’t see anything unusual on traditional scans, can see their injuries on this advanced technology!  They are finally getting answers and, as Major Richards in the video says, “It really lifts a burden.”
• There is no cure for TBI, but there are techniques on helping wounded warriors (and their families) to cope effectively.
• Mr. Fisher is raising $90 million to build 9 more NICoE centers at military installations.  There is already one at Walter Reed in Bethesda, Maryland.
• My favorite quote from Mr. Fisher: “We owe them.”  When asked why is he doing this instead of the government, he responded, “We can build it in half the time, half the cost, and twice the quality.”  What an amazing man!  Thank you, Mr. Fisher, for your dedication.  You are someone who TRULY embodies the slogan “Support Our Troops”!

~Malori~

For more resources, check out these links:

National Intrepid Center for Excellence

Make It Visible

Brain Line Military

Results of my Gluten-Free Experiment

On January 21, 2012 I wrote a post entitled ” ‘The Dietary Cure for Acne’ – My Experiment.”  This post is THE MOST viewed post on my blog: according to WordPress statistics, it has had 2,360 views!  That is even more than my Home Page/Archives, which comes in at 2,055.  I get so many hits from readers searching things like: the dietary cure for acne, acne cure diet, foods to cure acne.  To those of you who find my site like this, thank you so much for choosing to click on my link!

The reason I’m writing this post is because I have gotten several comments from readers asking me for an update on how this “experiment” worked for me.  First of all, I have to say that trying this new diet was one of the best health decisions I ever made, and it led me to uncovering the real culprit in my nagging acne and other health problems: gluten.

I started off being fairly strict using the Paleo Diet – no dairy, no grains whatsoever, no legumes, no alcohol, sweets, certain oils, or fruit juices.  But because of my high metabolism (especially when working out), I realized that I needed more carbs.  So I added in non-gluten grains such as brown rice.  But at the time, I thought that one day I wouldn’t need to be so strict.  On January 21st I wrote: “…if it’s a birthday, then there’s no big harm in having a small piece of cake…[if] I REALLY want a dish that has wheat in it, then I’ll go for it.”

I’ve found that yes, there IS harm in having just a small piece of normal, gluten-containing cake.  I was strict with my diet up until The Warrior came back from Afghanistan in April 2012, and that weekend was a good time to experiment with wheat and gluten-containing foods.  So while I didn’t overload myself with bread, I had one beer, an Irish stew containing Guinness, one cookie, and a dish from Genghis Grill using a sauce containing wheat.  My gut suffered for about a week from those foods!  (I won’t go into details, but it was icky.)  I also began noticing that when I would “cheat” by eating gluten-containing foods, that my face would break out.  Dairy would cause the same result with my skin, even when taking a Lactaid pill to prevent stomach problems.

On April 25, 2012 I went to a certified nutritionist who specialized in gluten issues.  She confirmed what I had discovered on my own: I HAVE to avoid gluten if I want to be healthy.  (For reference, gluten is found in wheat, barley, and rye.  Oats can be cross-contaminated with it, unless they are certified GF.)  She also gave me a list of supplements to take: a good multi-vitamin (New Chapter for Women is one of her recommendations), 1000 mg of fish oil containing EPA + DHA, a calcium/magnesium/D3 supplement, and a solid pro-biotic (Inner Eco is her favorite).  I believe that the pro-biotic was the final puzzle piece in clearing up my acne.  When one’s stomach is over-run with bad bacteria, the skin will oftentimes suffer by trying to filter out the contaminants.  That is one reason why acne occurs in non-teenagers.  Once I started with this supplemental regimen, along with the gluten and dairy-free diet, I saw a HUGE difference in my skin and also with my stomach.  My chronic joint pain also disappeared.

I am not as strict as someone with diagnosed celiac (an autoimmune disease), but I do avoid the obvious forms of gluten.  I read labels carefully and make a point to order restaurant dishes that are certified GF when they are available (such as at P.F. Chang’s).  Sometimes I do “cheat,” but there are consequences and it’s usually not worth it.  The great thing is that The Warrior has gotten into the Paleo diet and is avoiding wheat for the most part, so it works out well!  Our kids will be miniature health nuts.  :)  I have also found that since being off gluten, my stomach is able to handle dairy a little better…although if I eat it too often, I get a break-out.

I hope that this has been an interesting read!  If you are having skin and/or gut problems (they go hand-in-hand), please experiment with going gluten and dairy free.  It could change your life, like it did mine!  It takes some adjusting and effort at first, but I am much happier and healthier now and that makes it TOTALLY worth it.

~Malori~

Back-links to 3 GF recipe posts:

http://engagedtothearmy.wordpress.com/2012/03/04/savory-sundays-perfect-gf-chocolate-cake/

http://engagedtothearmy.wordpress.com/2012/02/05/gluten-free-bread/

http://engagedtothearmy.wordpress.com/2012/02/02/gluten-free-pizza-my-first-attempt/

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day!

At Wife of a Sailor, she is hosting a “link-up” for Military Spouse Appreciation Day!  Head over there to read her blog and find links to other fantastic military wives’ blogs.

I first want to give a shout-out and huge THANK YOU to military spouses today across all branches, and also to all those who are married to retired veterans.  You are the vital glue of the military, and it is amazing to see all the wonderful ways in which you support your servicemembers.  Your praises are left unsung much of the time, and your bravery and strength are oftentimes underestimated.  Today is all about you, so take time to celebrate each other and your accomplishments!  I cannot wait to join the ranks of “military wife” along with you.

So while I am not yet a spouse, I am on my way to becoming one next spring!  Right now, however, I stand beside you all as a proud Army fiancee.  The Warrior and I met online 3 years ago, and after just a few months of in-person dating, we knew that each other was “the one.”  In December 2010 he proposed (on one knee and I said yes!), and last year he completed his first deployment, in Afghanistan.  It was pretty rough at times, but it gave me a good taste of what military wives go through.  He has been back for one year and is getting ready to be deployed again.  While this tour of duty will be longer than the first one, I am looking forward to again keeping busy and accomplishing many important things such as paying off more student loans and PLANNING OUR WEDDING!  We have much to look forward to and I will be counting the days until he gets back and we are married.

Happy Mil-Spouse Appreciation Day!

~Malori~