During this Sunday’s homily at Mass, our pastor encouraged everyone, if they had not already, to pick out a favorite Scripture passage. In the Gospel reading Jesus is telling the parable about seeds taking roots in people’s hearts (Mark 4:26-34). Our pastor said that’s what we need to do with favorite Bible verses: pick one (or several) out and let it take root in your heart. Meditate on it, and let God speak to you through it.
Immediately I thought of a verse I had read just a few days before:
“Though the mountains leave their place and the hills be shaken, my love shall never leave you nor my covenant of peace be shaken, says the Lord, who has mercy on you.” ~Isaiah 54:10
This verse began resonating with me and taking root in my heart during The Warrior’s deployment. Sometimes it did feel like the hills were shaking; his life in the mountains of Afghanistan was never predictable, and there was nothing I could do about it except pray and be an encouragement to him. It is an awful feeling to feel out of control, because as the loved one staying behind, the military culture teaches us to be that bulwark for our soldier, to be in control of situations, to be independent…to be superwoman, really. It is really hard to not get infiltrated with this mindset.
But I find encouragement from this verse particularly because it stresses that no matter what is happening to us externally, whether it’s our soldier being involved in dangerous missions or firefights, difficult communications, lack of support on the homefront…or even “the worst”…we can know with certainty that these things cannot get in the way of the Lord giving us true, internal peace. Life could be falling apart around us, but we can still have peace. A couple posts ago I wrote about how scary it was to hear about “the accident”….what I didn’t write about was that deep inside my heart, I could feel that inner strength and grace holding me together. It’s like there were layers of feelings: my initial reaction was, “Holy crap, he could’ve died, and he could have long-term injuries…how is this even happening?” But once I peeled back those layers of fear and helplessness, I found peace…the peace I had felt in my heart before he even stepped on Army plane.
Recently I’ve been wondering if the second deployment will be easier or harder than the first. On one hand, it could be harder because I know what to expect. On the other hand, it could be easier because I know what to expect. I know what it’s like to receive unnerving news, but I also know how I can best deal with it. I’ve never been scared of deployment; I know it’s just a part of military life. Soldiers do dangerous stuff and there is no way around that! I know I have to put on my “big girl panties” (as Army wife circles like to say!) and make the best of every situation, no matter how tough. I look forward to The Warrior being able to make more money on deployment and to expand his military resume, and I look forward to all the lessons that are to be learned through being separated for so many months (although the separation itself is not fun!). When is the next deployment? Only God knows. But I know that whenever it comes again, I’m ready to face it because I know we have Him by our sides.
This is a good laugh!! :)